One of the hardest things a pastor faces is when people leave the church. It’s not just about numbers or attendance—it’s about relationships, investment, and, often, a deep sense of loss. Saints feel this, too. They’ve shared their lives with these individuals, prayed with them, and journeyed together. When someone leaves, it leaves a mark, a gap that isn’t easily filled. It never feels great, whether it’s because of mistakes we’ve made as leaders, God sifting the church, or simply because they’re not happy. But it is, undeniably, part of church life.

Acknowledging the Hurt

Let’s start by being honest: it hurts when people leave. I’ve felt it personally, and I know the saints feel it too. The depth of that hurt can vary depending on how connected we were, how involved they were, and the reasons behind their departure. Sometimes, it’s like losing a family member. And in many ways, it is exactly that—a loss to the church family.

As a pastor, it’s tempting to internalize the pain as a failure. We think, "What could I have done better? Where did I go wrong?" While self-reflection is essential, we must guard against the weight of constant self-blame. The truth is, people leave for many reasons, and not all of them reflect poorly on the church or its leadership. Sometimes, God orchestrates something beyond our understanding, and other times, people leave simply because they’re unhappy or have lost their position.

When People Leave After Losing Their Position

One particularly painful reality is when people leave the church because they’ve lost a position of leadership or influence. It could be that their role changed, or they were asked to step down due to church restructuring, personal growth issues, or spiritual accountability. Whatever the reason, losing a position can lead to feelings of rejection, hurt, and sometimes even bitterness. As pastors, we must navigate these situations carefully and compassionately.

We need to be clear in communication and help people understand that while positions change, their value in the body of Christ remains the same. The danger is when identity becomes too closely tied to a role, and losing that role feels like losing purpose or belonging. As pastors, we must remind people that their worth is not in their title but in their relationship with God and their place in the larger church family.

Even with the best intentions, some will still choose to leave, unable to reconcile the loss of position with their sense of identity. This is difficult, but it also reminds us of the need to continually foster a culture where positions serve the church’s mission, not individual status.

When People Leave Due to Offenses

One of the most common reasons people leave a church is because of offences. Whether it’s a perceived slight, a misunderstanding, or a deeper hurt, offences can fester into bitterness if left unaddressed. In Matthew 18:15, Jesus instructs us to go directly to the offended person and seek reconciliation. Unfortunately, this biblical model is not always followed. Instead, offences can be internalized, leading people to distance themselves from the community or, in some cases, leave altogether.

As a pastor, it’s painful to see people leave due to offences that could have been resolved through open communication and forgiveness. When someone is offended, church leadership must foster an environment where conflicts can be resolved healthily and biblically. But despite our best efforts, some offences may remain unresolved, and people may leave. In these situations, it’s important to continue to pray for healing and trust that God can restore what has been broken.

We should encourage an atmosphere of grace where people feel safe expressing their hurt and seeking reconciliation. Offences, though painful, can be an opportunity for growth, healing, and stronger relationships if handled with humility and care. However, when people leave due to offence, they must be released in love, trusting that God is still working in their lives, even if they are no longer part of the local congregation.

Is the Church Doing Something Wrong?

When people leave, it’s natural for all kinds of thoughts to plague the church community: Is the church doing something wrong? Is the leadership bad? These are difficult but necessary questions. In many cases, the reasons people leave are complex, and it’s easy for those left behind to wonder if something is fundamentally broken.

As pastors, we must not shy away from these concerns. If there are areas where we can improve as a church or as leaders, we should be willing to address them. This is where openness and accountability come into play. Regularly reviewing church health, seeking counsel, and staying connected with the congregation can help address issues before they lead to disillusionment.

However, we must also remind the church that no congregation is perfect, and no leader is without fault. The beauty of the church is not in its perfection but in its devotion to Christ despite its imperfections. It’s important to communicate that while we strive for excellence, the church is a family where we grow, stumble, and mature together.

Dealing with Disunity and Betrayal

Sometimes, people leave because they were creating disunity or betraying trust behind your back. This can be one of a pastor's most painful experiences, especially when naysayers spread negativity within the church. Discovering that someone you trusted or worked alongside has been sowing discord can be disheartening.

In these moments, I remember a phrase from my late bishop that has helped me tremendously: “If Jesus being perfect had a Judas, what makes you think you will not have yours?” This truth is both sobering and comforting. Even Jesus, perfect in His leadership and love, faced betrayal from within His circle. Knowing that such challenges are part of ministry reminds us not to take it personally. While it’s painful, it’s not unusual.

As pastors, we must remain vigilant about protecting the unity of the church. When betrayal or disunity surfaces, addressing it with wisdom and grace is essential. These moments call for discernment, prayer, and often difficult conversations. It’s about protecting the flock while maintaining a spirit of love and forgiveness, even toward those who have caused harm.

Maintaining the Right Attitude and Seeking Wise Counsel

During difficult seasons when people leave, it is crucial to maintain a right attitude. Bitterness, frustration, or defensiveness can easily creep in, but we must resist those reactions. Instead, we should approach these situations humbly, keeping our hearts soft before God and open to learning. Holding onto the right attitude helps us lead with grace and not allow the negativity of the situation to shape our character or ministry.

Another vital step is to seek counsel from elders who love you and your church. These seasoned leaders can offer wisdom, perspective, and encouragement when the path ahead feels unclear. Their experience, combined with their love for you and the church, often brings invaluable insight. Surrounding yourself with godly mentors who can speak truth into your life is a safeguard against discouragement and isolation.

When People Leave Due to Doctrinal Differences

Sometimes, people leave because of doctrinal differences. This can be particularly challenging because it touches on core beliefs and convictions. Doctrinal disagreements often create deep divides, and as much as we try to teach and guide people into the truth of God’s Word, there will be times when individuals come to different conclusions. These differences may arise from misunderstandings, theological disagreements, or even personal interpretations of Scripture.

As painful as it is, when doctrinal differences arise, it’s vital to uphold the truth of the Gospel while recognizing that not everyone will walk the same path. In these situations, maintain a spirit of grace and love. Continue to pray for those who leave, and trust that God will lead them into His truth, even if that journey takes them away from your congregation.

When It’s Due to Different Leadership Styles

Another dynamic that can contribute to people leaving is the tension caused by different leadership styles. Pastors lead differently based on our gifts, personality, and vision. Some leaders are more directive and focused on structure, while others are relational, encouraging creativity and flexibility. Leadership style significantly affects the way people experience church life, and sometimes, mismatched expectations between leadership and members can cause friction.

It’s important to communicate our leadership approach and acknowledge that different leadership styles have strengths and weaknesses. The key is balancing leadership styles while remaining focused on the church’s mission. We can’t be everything to everyone, but we can provide space for dialogue and understanding so that differences don’t lead to unnecessary departures.

When It’s Due to Mistakes

There’s no escaping the fact that, at times, people leave because of our mistakes. We’re human. We make wrong calls, overlook certain needs, or fail to create the right environment for growth. When this happens, it’s crucial to own up to it.

Transparency is key. I’ve found that when I openly acknowledge my faults, it brings a measure of healing. Saints need to see that pastors, like them, are on a journey of growth. It’s in these moments of vulnerability that trust can be restored, even if the person has already made their decision to leave.

Learning from these experiences is crucial. We can’t change the past, but we can ensure that we improve for the future. Navigating this gracefully means not becoming defensive, but remaining humble and open to feedback.

When It’s God’s Sifting

There are times when God is sifting His church, and people leave not because of any failure on our part but because God is moving them—or us—in a different direction. This is much harder to understand. It doesn’t erase the hurt, but it reminds us that we are not in control of every outcome.

Sometimes, it is simply not the will of God for certain people to stay with us. As pastors, we may want everyone to stay, but God has different plans for His people and His church. An example that comes to mind is Abraham and Lot. I believe Lot was not supposed to go with Abraham in the first place. Genesis 12 shows us that God called Abraham alone, but Abraham brought Lot along. Eventually, their separation was inevitable, and it led to both of them being able to follow the distinct paths God had for them.

This illustrates that sometimes, no matter how much we wish it weren’t so, God has a different direction for people, and letting them go is part of His divine plan. As painful as it may be, we must trust that God works everything according to His purpose.

Watching Your Spirit

Watching your spirit as a leader is essential in all these challenges. How we respond to adversity reflects on our leadership and the health of our spiritual lives. If we allow ourselves to become bitter, cynical, or disconnected, it can damage us and those we lead. Staying rooted in prayer, staying connected to God’s Word, and maintaining spiritual health are crucial during these seasons of loss and transition.

We must guard our hearts against resentment, anger, or frustration. Watching our spirit allows us to continue leading with love, compassion, and wisdom, even when the road gets tough. It ensures that we remain open to what God is doing, even in hurt, and positions us to continue serving effectively.

Cherishing the Loyal and Faithful Saints

While it’s essential to navigate the departure of members with grace, we must never forget to cherish the loyal and faithful saints who remain. These individuals continue to serve, give, and stand with the church through highs and lows. Their commitment to the mission of God, even when things get tough, is a testament to their spiritual maturity and dedication.

Pastors must regularly acknowledge and encourage these saints. Whether through words of affirmation, public recognition, or simply a heartfelt “thank you,” showing appreciation for those who stay loyal is crucial. Their steadfastness is invaluable to the church’s health, and their presence is often the glue that holds things together during transition seasons.

Developing Strategies for Navigating Change

As pastors, it’s about responding to change and preparing for it. Developing strategies to navigate when people leave is essential for maintaining the church's health. Here are a few strategies to consider:

1. Build a Strong Leadership Team:


Invest in developing a team of leaders who can share the weight of ministry. This creates a support network that can absorb the impact of departures without destabilizing the entire church.

2. Strengthen Discipleship Systems:

Create a robust discipleship structure that continually raises up new leaders and ministers within the church. This ensures that when someone leaves, there is a healthy pipeline of individuals equipped and ready to step into new roles.

3. Focus on Long-Term Vision:

Keep the church’s vision clear and central. When people understand the greater mission, their commitment is often stronger, even through personal disappointments or challenges.

4. Develop Succession Plans:

Whether for staff or lay leaders, a succession plan ensures smooth transitions and uninterrupted continuation of the church's mission.

5. Encourage Resilience in the Congregation:

Help your congregation understand that change is part of growth. Prepare them for transition seasons by teaching resilience and trust in God’s plan rather than being dependent on specific individuals or positions.

6. Evaluate and Adjust Regularly:

Review the church’s leadership structures, ministry programs, and strategies regularly. Be willing to make adjustments based on the congregation's needs and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

Supporting the Saints Left Behind

When people leave, it’s not just the pastor who feels the loss. The church community feels it, too. Saints often struggle with questions such as: Why did they leave? Could we have done more? Departures can shake the faith of those left behind, especially when close friendships are involved.

As a pastor, I help the congregation process the loss. It’s important to encourage openness in discussing these feelings while also offering comfort and reminding them of God’s sovereignty. Yes, it’s painful, but it’s also an opportunity for the church to unite, grow, and deepen its trust in God.

Focusing on the church's mission helps, too. People leaving can sometimes refocus us on what truly matters: making disciples, fostering authentic community, and fulfilling God’s vision for the local church.

Navigating the Emotional Toll

Pastoring involves deep emotional investment, and when people leave, it can take a personal toll. The danger is becoming cynical or detached, creating barriers so we don’t feel the pain as deeply next time. But that’s not the answer.

Navigating this season means staying prayerful, leaning on the Holy Spirit for comfort, and maintaining a heart of love even for those who leave. It’s a delicate balance between guarding our hearts and leading with compassion and vulnerability.

Moving Forward with Grace

Ultimately, people leaving the church is part of the ebb and flow of ministry. It’s not something we can prevent entirely, but it’s something we can navigate with wisdom and grace. Whether it’s due to our mistakes, God’s sifting, different leadership styles, doctrinal differences, offences, or because they’re unhappy or have lost a position, the key is to keep our eyes on Jesus. He is the head of the church, and He is the one who directs its course.

Solutions for Navigating People Leaving the Church

1. Foster a Culture of Communication:

Encourage open, honest dialogue within the church. Create opportunities for people to express their concerns before they need to leave. Regular formal and informal check-ins can help leaders catch minor issues before they become major ones.

2. Provide Clear Vision and Direction:

People sometimes leave because they are confused or misaligned with the church’s direction. As leaders, we must ensure that the church’s mission, values, and vision are consistently communicated and everyone understands their part.

3. Establish Healthy Accountability Structures:

While accountability can sometimes feel uncomfortable, it is vital to maintaining spiritual health in the church. Accountability structures for leadership and saints alike can prevent misunderstandings and provide a clear path for addressing concerns.

4. Pray for Discernment and Trust God’s Plan:

As much as we desire everyone to stay, there will be times when God is calling people elsewhere. In these moments, pray for discernment to recognize God’s will and trust that He is working for the good of His church. Just like Abraham and Lot had to part ways for God’s purposes to unfold, there are times when people need to leave for their own growth and the church’s.

5. Support Those Left Behind:

When people leave, it is essential to care for the emotional and spiritual well-being of those who remain. Offer pastoral care, remind them of the church’s mission, and help them process their feelings. This strengthens the remaining community and encourages unity in moving forward.

6. Focus on Discipleship:

Keep the church focused on its primary mission—making disciples. When people leave, it can be tempting to focus too much on the loss, but maintaining an outward focus on reaching others for Christ keeps the church healthy and forward-moving.

7. Adapt Leadership Styles:

Understand that different people respond to different leadership styles. While you cannot be everything to everyone, as a leader, it helps to be adaptable, balancing structure with flexibility and authority with relationships. Communicating your leadership style clearly is important, as is fostering an environment where healthy dialogue and feedback are welcomed. This can help minimize misunderstandings and reduce friction due to mismatched expectations.

8. Cherish the Loyal and Faithful:

It’s crucial not to overlook the saints who stay committed to the church during difficult seasons. Acknowledge their loyalty and faithfulness, as their dedication helps sustain the church’s mission. Celebrate their contributions, encourage their spiritual growth, and let them know they are valued. Often, these individuals become pillars of strength, holding the church together through times of transition.

9. Develop Strategies for Change:

Develop proactive strategies to handle transitions, such as building strong leadership teams, creating robust discipleship systems, and planning for succession. This ensures that the church can remain steady and continue to thrive when departures happen.

10. Maintain a Right Attitude and Seek Counsel:

Through it all, maintaining a right attitude as a leader is essential. Avoid letting bitterness or frustration take root. Instead, stay humble, prayerful, and open to growth. Additionally, seek counsel from elders who love you and your church. Their wisdom, experience, and encouragement can help you navigate these challenging times with grace and perspective.

11. Watch Your Spirit:

As leaders, it is essential to continually guard our hearts and watch our spirits. Bitterness, frustration, and cynicism can easily creep in when faced with adversity. Keeping our spirit healthy ensures we continue to lead with love, patience, and wisdom, even when the road is tough.

When people leave, it never feels great—but God is always faithful. He is building His church, and nothing—not even the departures—can thwart His plans. By fostering communication, maintaining a clear vision, practising accountability, cherishing the loyal saints, developing strategies for navigating change, and seeking counsel, we can navigate the pain of people leaving with wisdom, grace, and faith in God’s perfect plan.

Pastoring through such seasons isn’t easy, but with God’s grace, we can navigate it together, learning, growing, and trusting that He knows best. Ultimately, each person’s path is in God’s hands, and He will guide those who stay and those who leave according to His perfect will. As we continue to lead, let us cherish the faithful who remain, love those who depart, and stay focused on the greater mission God has set before us.