In ministry, there is a constant tension between valuing a person for who they are and holding them accountable for what they do. We all feel this tension, especially when someone repeatedly “drops the ball” in their role—or when their behaviour becomes disrespectful or reveals an attitude problem. How do we strike a balance between honouring personhood and addressing performance? Let’s begin by defining these terms.

What Are Personhood and Performance?

  • Personhood refers to an individual's inherent value, dignity, and worth, rooted in the truth that they are created in God's image (Genesis 1:27). It is their identity, their being, and their spiritual, emotional, and relational essence. As the hymn beautifully says, “It is well with my soul,” as pastors, one of our highest callings is to ensure that this is true for those we serve.

  • Performance, conversely, is about what someone does—their actions, contributions, and how they fulfil their responsibilities. In ministry, performance often relates to tasks such as showing up on time, leading worship, or adequately preparing for a Bible study.

Both personhood and performance are essential, but when they are not kept in balance, issues arise.

The Connection Between Personhood and Performance

There is a direct connection between a person’s well-being and their ability to perform. When a person struggles emotionally, spiritually, or physically, it often shows in their performance. However, repeated poor performance can also stem from a lack of accountability, training, or misplaced priorities.

But what about when the issue is deeper—a pattern of disrespect or a consistent attitude problem? In these cases, the connection between personhood and performance takes another dimension. Disrespect often signals a deeper heart issue that must be addressed, not ignored.

When It’s a Performance Issue

It’s common for people to underperform due to lack of training, unclear expectations, or personal challenges. These situations require a thoughtful approach.

1. Scenario: A sound technician consistently shows up late, causing delays in setup.

Response:

  • Sit down with the volunteer and ask, “Help me understand why you’ve been arriving late. Is there something preventing you from being on time?”
  • Clarify expectations: “Punctuality is crucial to ensure the service runs smoothly. How can I help you meet this requirement?”
  • Offer solutions, such as sending reminders or adjusting their schedule, but stress the importance of reliability.

2. Scenario: A children’s ministry volunteer repeatedly forgets to prepare their lesson.

Response:

  • Reinforce their value: “We appreciate your heart for children and the love you show them weekly.”
  • Address the issue: “I’ve noticed a pattern of unpreparedness. Can we work together to find ways to help you succeed in this role?”
  • Provide tools, such as pre-written lesson plans or additional training.

Navigating Disrespect and Attitude Problems

When someone in ministry exhibits an attitude problem or is openly disrespectful, it can be one of the most challenging situations. Frustration can easily creep in, and if left unchecked, it can lead to burnout, division, or worse. Here are vital steps to navigate such situations with grace and firmness:

1. Pause and Reflect

Before addressing the issue, ask yourself:

  • Is this behaviour a result of something deeper—hurt, insecurity, or burnout?
  • Have I unintentionally contributed to their frustration or disrespect?
  • How would Christ handle this person?

Taking time to reflect helps you approach the conversation with a balanced perspective, focusing on restoration rather than retaliation.

2. Confront With Compassion and Clarity

Disrespect must be addressed directly, but it can be done in love. Use clear but compassionate language to express your concerns:

A. Scenario: A volunteer speaks rudely to team members during setup, creating tension.

Response:

Address privately: “I noticed your tone during setup today was harsh. I want to understand what’s going on.” or “I’ve noticed a pattern of behaviour that concerns me, and I want to talk about it so we can move forward healthily.” or “Your words/actions come across as disrespectful, and I want to understand if there’s something deeper behind this.”

Affirm their worth: “You’re an important part of this team, and your contributions matter.”

Set clear boundaries: “We value respect and unity here. Let’s work on communicating in a way that builds each other up. or “We value unity and respect as a team, and I need you to help maintain that."

B. Scenario: A team member openly disrespectfully criticizes leadership decisions.

Response:

  • Meet one-on-one: “I’ve observed some frustrations, and I want to give you the space to share your perspective.”
  • Listen actively: “What are your concerns, and how can we address them constructively?”
  • Draw firm lines: “I value your input, but public criticism hurts the team. Let’s agree to discuss concerns privately moving forward.”

Avoid making accusations; instead, frame the conversation as an opportunity for growth.

3. Set Clear Expectations

Sometimes, attitude problems persist because boundaries and expectations are unclear. Be specific about the standards required in their role:

  • “We expect team members to treat each other with respect and honour. Here’s what that looks like in practice.”
  • “I need you to commit to addressing this area of behaviour for the sake of the team and the ministry.”

Document these conversations if necessary and ensure they understand the consequences of failing to change.

4. Hold Them Accountable

Grace does not mean enabling toxic behaviour. You may need to take action if a person continues to be disrespectful despite multiple conversations. This could mean adjusting their role, placing them on a break, or, in extreme cases, asking them to step away from the ministry.

Ephesians 4:29 (NKJV) reminds us:

“Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.”

Accountability is not punitive; it’s restorative. It’s about helping them grow into the person God has called them to be. 

Remind Yourself: The Person Matters to God

Even when someone is disrespectful, remember that they still matter to God. Their behaviour may frustrate you, but their soul is precious. Pray for wisdom to address the issue with love and firmness, knowing God’s desire is for their transformation, not their condemnation.

Balancing Grace and Truth

In John 1:14, Jesus is described as being “full of grace and truth.” As pastors, we must emulate this balance. Grace reminds us to value the person and their worth in Christ. Truth compels us to address behaviours that hinder ministry and relationships.

How to Address Performance Without Harming Personhood

1. Separate the person from the performance.

Reinforce their value as a child of God before addressing their role. Let them know they are loved and appreciated regardless of what they do.

2. Have honest and compassionate conversations.

Use phrases like:

  • “Help me understand what’s been challenging for you in this role.”
  • “I value you, but I’ve noticed some gaps. How can I support you better?”

3. Offer support and solutions.

Instead of pointing out failures, provide resources, training, or even a temporary break if needed. Sometimes, stepping back is the best way to restore personhood and performance.

4. Be tactful yet firm.

Continued poor performance or attitude issues require difficult decisions. Addressing them is part of loving them well—it’s not about punishment but about growth.

5. Hold Them Accountable

Accountability is an act of love. If behaviour or performance does not improve after clear communication and support, address the consequences. Example: “If we don’t see improvement, we’ll need to discuss stepping away from this role for a season.”

6. Pray with and for them.

Invite God into the conversation, reminding both of you that His grace is sufficient in every weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

When we navigate these challenges with love and wisdom, we not only foster growth in others but also reflect the heart of Christ—a heart that values both the soul and the task. Remember, the person matters to God, as does the ministry He entrusted us. Lead with grace, truth, and unwavering faith.